Should a Brother and Sister Sleep in the Same Bed?
We're traveling, and our kids need to share a bed.
Dear Dr. Bill:
Our family is taking a two week vacation before school starts. My wife and I and our two kids will be staying in one room motels with two queen beds. Our daughter is 11 and our son is 14. Is it appropriate for them to sleep in the same bed? My wife and I are very close, and I don't like the idea of sleeping without her for 2 weeks. So what do you suggest we do?
— James
Dear James:
You raise an important question, and I'm sure many parents have struggled with the same issue while traveling. Brothers and sisters have been sleeping in the same beds since beds were invented, and typically there is nothing to be concerned about. However, with a 14-year-old son going through puberty, and a daughter who may be about to enter puberty, my perspective would be to err on the safe side.
I appreciate that you are close to your wife, but I would encourage you to make a sacrifice during the two week trip. You sleep with your son in one bed while your wife sleeps with your daughter in the other.
Another option that you may not have considered is to reserve a roll-away bed at each motel where you will be staying. You could have one of the kids sleep on the roll-away, while the other sleeps on the queen bed. That will allow you and your wife to sleep in the same bed, while at the same time eliminating any level of discomfort with your kids. If a roll-away isn't available at some of the motels, another option would be to bring a sleeping bag and an air-mattress with you on the trip.
This situation brings up a larger issue — are you and your wife comfortable discussing sexuality with your kids? If not, you need to get comfortable with it — and soon. Given their ages and the many risks and temptations in today's youth culture, they are going to need your loving guidance in this area.
An excellent resource for teaching your kids about God's design for sex is the book How to Talk to Your Kids About Sexuality by Linda Klepacki and David Scherrer. Linda and David also have a companion book that you can read with your kids. It's called Fearless Love: Making Sexual Choices that Honor God. You can order both books through our online Family Store.
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