My Son Watches "Ultimate Fighting" on TV

Dear Dr. Bill:

I have a question about TV violence. Every week, my husband and our 11-year-old son watch an "ultimate fighting competition" on TV which involves martial arts-style punching, kicking, choke holds and throwing opponents around the ring. As a woman, I find it gross and disturbing. But I've also been reading Dr. Dobson's book Bringing Up Boys where he describes how boys and men are hardwired to be "fighters," and that violent competition is natural. So is kind of thing okay for our son to watch on TV?

— Kerri

Dear Kerri:

Thanks for your e-mail. You ask an excellent question, and I'm guessing many moms resonate with your concern.

First of all, I think you may have misunderstood what Dr. Dobson says in Bringing Up Boys. Yes, he points out that boys are naturally more aggressive than girls, and expresses concern that some in our society would like to "feminize" them.

He also mentions that boys are more prone to rough-housing with each other and their dads, and that they are hard-wired to be more competitive than girls. But Dr. Dobson does not advocate violent behavior, and has expressed serious concerns about the impact that violent media can have on children.

During the past few years, multiple research studies have confirmed that kids who consume a steady diet of violent media tend to act more aggressively toward their siblings, peers and sometimes even their parents and teachers. This holds true for movies, TV shows and video games.

Some studies have even found a link between violent media and a lack of empathy. In other words, kids who watch a lot of violent shows or play violent video games seem to be numb to human suffering — they don't seem to care when they see other people hurt or killed.

Given that, encouraging your son to watch "ultimate fighting" is definitely not a good idea. In addition to the gratuitous violence, these shows also feature scantily-clad "ring girls," and its fair share of sexually-provocative beer commercials.

My own advice would be to gently approach your husband about this issue. Don't attack him, but let him know about your concerns, and ask him if he's thought about the impact that watching this show could have on your son. Tell him that if he wants to watch the show by himself that's one thing, but you'd prefer if he didn't make it a "father-son" activity.

If you approach him in love, hopefully your husband will be willing to hear you out and consider your input. However, if he claims that you're overreacting and that the show couldn't possibly have any negative effect on your son, ask him if he would consider talking to your pastor or pediatrician and asking them for their opinion.

You might also go to the Web site for the American Academy of Pediatrics and print out their fact sheet on media violence, located here. Helpful information can also be found here and here. Ask your husband if he'd be willing to read this information over and then discuss it together.

If he refuses to budge, you've got a much deeper issue to deal with. In that case I'd suggest you contact our counseling department here at Focus on the Family and ask them to refer you to a licensed Christian therapist in your community. You can reach our counseling department Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (Mountain Time) at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).

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