Young Children and Social Networking Web Sites

Dear Dr. Bill:

I read on your Web site about the teen who signed onto her mom's Facebook account without permission. I've faced a similar situation with my 12-year-old son. But the situation is complicated by the fact that he alternates between living with me and my ex-husband. My ex displays little concern about the potential dangers of the Internet, so it's up to me to set the rules. I've already discussed with my son how his younger cousins have lied about their age in order to set up their Facebook accounts.

Since I can't guarantee that my son won't set up his own account when he's with his cousins or at his dad's house, I've decided to open a Facebook account myself. That way I can become familiar with every aspect of it and will know if my son sets up an account behind my back. And believe me, I'll deal with that issue if necessary! But until that day, I've taken the attitude that "ignorance is not bliss" when it comes to knowing what our kids are involved in.

— Jean

Dear Jean:

Every day here at Focus on the Family, we hear from parents who are concerned about how technology and the Internet are impacting the lives of their children. One of the best experts I know on this topic is my friend Vicki Courtney, the founder of Virtuous Reality Ministries and the author of the book Logged On and Tuned Out.

Vicki told me that she has allowed her son, who is a freshman in high school, to set up a profile on Facebook. As a condition, she has his login and password information. That way, she can log onto his account and check it over anytime. In addition, Vicki and her son set up rules on the front end regarding what kind of information he can share. She also had him sign a contract that outlined her safety guidelines.

Vicki suggests that parents should not allow their kids to join Facebook "city networks" or make their page public to their entire high school network. Instead, they should only allow their personal page to be viewed by those they allow to be their Facebook "friends."

The minimum age for joining Facebook is 13. You mentioned that your nephews lied about their ages to join. Make it clear to your son that there will be significant consequences if he attempts to do that. At the same time, let him know that when he reaches a certain age and demonstrates a certain level of personal maturity, you will allow him to sign up for the service.

Vicki warns that if we ban our kids from using the site for the entire time they're under our roof, we send the message that we don't trust them. Also, it's likely that they'll set up a Facebook page the minute they move out of our house or go off to college. In that case, we will have lost the opportunity to walk them through the process and train them to use the Internet in a responsible manner.

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