When a Child Says, "I Wish I Was Dead"

Dear Dr. Bill:

I've heard you on the radio before talking about the subject of children and emotions. I'm hopeful you can help me with an issue involving my 6-year-old son. He recently said that he wishes he was dead or would like to be dead. I'll admit, I was pretty shocked, and I didn't know what to say to him at the time. What should I do?

— Susan

Dear Susan:

Any mom would be shocked to hear their child make a statement like that. That's why it's important to find out what is "behind" your son's comment.

Did something occur between the two of you that precipitated that remark? For example, was he upset about being disciplined? If so, he may have simply been trying to manipulate you and get a reaction by making such a shocking statement.

On the other hand, does your son seem to be depressed? Is he going through a stressful time or dealing with a significant loss? Life events such as a family move, marital conflict or divorce, being bullied at school, or even the loss of a pet can cause a child to feel like they "wish they were dead."

Sit down with your son and gently ask him if he's been feeling sad or worried about something in his life. If you have an idea as to what might be bothering him, let him know you care by saying something like "I know it's been difficult for you to make new friends since we moved to this new city. Is that what made you say you wish you were dead?"

If you've guessed correctly about what is troubling him, he will likely open up and share more. If you're wrong, he'll probably correct you by saying something like, "No, I wish I was dead because there's a boy at my school who is always making fun of me."

If you've noticed that your son has seemed generally sad, hopeless, or has lost interest in activities he once enjoyed, then you should have him evaluated by a child psychologist or psychiatrist immediately. Your pediatrician should be able to recommend one in your area. You can also call our counseling department at Focus on the Family for a referral to a licensed Christian therapist in your area. You can reach our counseling department Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (Mountain Time) at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).

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