Getting Your Kids to Clean Up After Themselves

Dear Dr. Bill:

I've heard you on the radio talking about how to get children to clean their rooms. For young kids, you said if they can't seem to keep their rooms clean and put their toys in a box, then no toys for a week. Well, my grade school kids are just like that, and they never clean their rooms voluntarily; I have to tell them every time. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get them to keep things clean WITHOUT being told?

— Darla

Dear Darla:

When it comes to kids and chores, it's critical to consider the age of child. At first, very young children are going to need lots of direction and specific, step-by-step instructions when it comes to cleaning up their stuff. For example, with a three-year-old, you might say, "Bobby, I need you to pick up all of your Legos and put them into the Lego box in the next 10 minutes. I'm going to set the kitchen timer and when it rings, all of the Legos need to be in the box. If they aren't, you won't be able to play with them tomorrow." Then set the timer and follow through.

Assuming that Bobby gets his Legos put away to your satisfaction, then you can move on to another task, such as putting his picture books on the shelf or putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. Although this approach will demand more of your time and attention, it's much less frustrating and anger-provoking than repeatedly yelling, "Clean up this room or you've had it!" You'll also find that giving specific, step-by-step instructions, backed up by consequences, will yield much better results.

With older kids who can read and write, it can be helpful to write their daily chores on a small white board that you hang on their wall or to give them chore cards that spell out the specific actions they need to take in order to complete a task. Again, be specific about the deadline for completing the task and what the consequence will be if they don't get the job done.

By the way, when using consequences with kids, it's most effective to balance both positive and negative consequences. If we simply punish our kids for bad behavior or failing to follow through, they can easily become discouraged. It's just as important to praise and reward our kids for their good behavior. So when your child consistently follows though on his or her chores such as cleaning their room, they should receive verbal praise, a hug, and even an occasional small reward.

Many parents have found that sticker charts can be a great motivator. Each time a child follows through with a task, he gets a sticker, and if he earns a certain amount of stickers, he earns a special privilege or treat for his efforts.

Darla, let me recommend that you order Focus on the Family's DVD parenting set called The Essentials of Discipline. It's chock full of Dr. Dobson's classic parenting wisdom, and will provide you with some great practical advice as you raise your kids. You can request this item by calling Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).

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