Should I Date My Co-Worker?

Dear Dr. Bill:

In the 10 years since my divorce, I have not been interested in dating or remarriage. In fact, I've never pursued a single date. But now that my only child is a senior in high school, I've noticed a new male co-worker whose presence has me feeling like a teenager in love. We have a chemistry that has allowed for excellent professional and personal conversations — many about our faith and what it means to live as a Christian. I know it's often considered unprofessional to date a co-worker, and I'm not entirely certain of this man's feelings for me. But the last thing I want to do is put him into an awkward position where he might feel like he has to leave the job. Can you offer me any advice or guidance?

— Deborah

Dear Deborah:

You are wise to tread cautiously here. Many office romances end in disaster. Here's the typical scenario: A couple begins dating, the relationship doesn't work out, and they break up. If the relationship ends badly and there are hard feelings, the working environment can become a nightmare, both for the couple themselves and for their co-workers. In fact, some corporations even have a "non-fraternization" policy for this very reason.

That being said, office romances involving two mature individuals sometimes work out fine, even resulting in wonderful marriages. One key issue is the nature of your work relationship. If you and your co-worker are peers at the same job-grade level, things are a lot less complicated if things don't work out. Dating a supervisor or someone you supervise is a recipe for disaster. In fact, your company may even have a policy that specifically forbids this.

Things are also a lot less complicated if you and the male co-worker work in totally separate departments and are simply working on a temporary project together. Then if the dating relationship doesn't work out, you won't have to deal with the awkwardness of interacting with each other every day.

You didn't mention in your e-mail whether or not your co-worker has actually expressed any romantic interest in you. If not, I wouldn't read too much into the fact that you have nice conversations together and you feel a sense of chemistry. If this man is truly interested in dating you, you'll know soon enough. In the meantime, I'd encourage you to guard you heart and avoid building up a romantic fantasy in your mind.

Even if this man is interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, you should take your time and really get to know him before moving forward. As you observe him on the job and interacting with your fellow employees, ask yourself if he displays the sort of godly character that the Lord would desire for you in a dating partner.

Finally, make this issue a matter of prayer and ask God to guide you and help you to discern the best course of action. Also, consult a trusted female friend who is also a believer and who will offer you wise counsel.

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