Unwilling Den Mother
I would like your advice about some children in my neighborhood.
Dear Dr. Bill:
I would like your advice about some children
in my neighborhood. We seem to have
stricter rules than most parents about
where our grade-school
children are allowed to go and play. As a
result, it seems like the whole neighborhood
plays in my yard! These kids may be here for
several hours a day, and inevitably,
questions about snacks and using the
bathroom come up. My kids don't want
to turn their friends away, but I'm not sure I
should be everyone's
den mother. What boundaries do you think
would be appropriate in this situation?
— Nadine
Dear Nadine:
This issue has a lot more to do with the parents in your neighborhood than the kids. On the one hand, it's great that that these children feel so welcome at your home that it's become the neighborhood hang out. On the other hand, I can sense you are beginning to resent that you're expected to provide snacks and restroom facilities.
Although it may make you a little uncomfortable, you're going to need to have some friendly, straightforward conversations with the parents of the neighborhood children. Explain that while you love having their kids play at your home, you'd prefer it if their children could use the bathroom before coming over to play and bring their own snacks instead of raiding your refrigerator. Of course you also need to have a conversation with your own kids, explaining these ground rules to them.
When you're talking to the parents of the neighborhood kids, it's a great time to learn more about them and their values. Discuss the type of limits you set on your own kids' behavior, and find out if they're on the same page. If they are, and you're confident that they provide adequate supervision of their own kids, I don't see any reason why you can't allow your kids to play at their homes. While you want to protect your children from any dangers or negative influences, you can't keep them cloistered at your home until they're 30.
If you think about it, this situation can be a marvelous opportunity for evangelism. The neighborhood kids obviously like you and your children, and their parents feel comfortable allowing their kids to play at your home. I'm guessing many of these children aren't believers. Your kindness and hospitality will make a lasting impression on these kids and their families, and may open the door for you to share Christ with them.
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