Bedtime Routines

Dear Dr. Bill:

My wife and I have a wonderful 15-month-old son who is very good child. However, he fights going to sleep. Once he is asleep, he sleeps very well. However, getting him to go to sleep is a battle. Any advice would be appreciated.

— Michael

Dear Michael:

There are several things that you and your wife can do to help your son go to sleep. The first is to make sure he gets to bed early enough. A 15-month-old child should still be getting about 12 hours of sleep per night, plus a nap during the day. One of the mistakes parents make is putting babies and toddlers to bed too late at night. Often that's because one or both parents are working during the day, and they want to spend time interacting with their child during the evening hours. A child your son's age should be in bed asleep by 7 or 8 p.m. If that severely limits the amount of time you are able to play with him in the evening, the answer is for you to come home earlier, not put him to bed later.

Kids also fight sleep when they are over-tired. It seems counter-intuitive — we think, "Hey, if my child is really tired, he should fall asleep easier." But an overtired child is fussy and cranky, and often has much more difficulty getting to sleep. The trick is to put your son to bed when he is first showing signs of drowsiness, but not after he is getting cranky. With my 1-year old, I just watch for him to start rubbing his eyes. You also need make sure your son is getting a regular daily nap. If not, he will be even more overtired at the end of the day.

You and your wife should also have a regular bedtime routine established with your son. This might consist of a warm bath, followed by a story time, and then some rocking and singing in your arms. The goal is to help your child slowly wind down and get ready for sleep. If you try to put him down right after you've been roughhousing or engaged in active play, his adrenaline will be pumped and it will be very difficult for him to fall asleep.

Finally, once you've put your son to bed, don't go back in the room, regardless of how much he protests, cries, or has tantrums. If you do, you will simply be reinforcing his behavior, and he will engage in you in a bedtime tug-of-war every night. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own, and that will probably mean letting him cry himself out for a couple of nights until he learns that you are not coming back in the room no matter how much he protests.

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